Surely you have ever heard someone say: “"He is a narcissist.". In fact, In recent years this word has become very common in conversations, social networks and even in everyday language, Who doesn't know someone who they would define as a narcissist??.

in psychology, Narcissism goes far beyond a conceited person or someone who enjoys attracting attention.. It is about a way of relating to oneself and others that can generate significant suffering, both for those who present these traits and for those who live with them.

When we talk about narcissism we usually imagine someone who is self-confident., with very high self-esteem and great personal confidence. However, In many cases, just the opposite happens.: behind that image of strength can hide a deep need for recognition and validation.

What do we really mean by narcissism??

We all need to feel valued. We like that our efforts are recognized, feel appreciated and have a positive image inside and out. This is completely normal and part of a healthy self-esteem. He The problem appears when the need for admiration becomes something constant and the person themselves begins to occupy the center of everything.. In those cases, the relationships, conversations and even conflicts often revolve around their needs, emotions and expectations.

People with narcissistic traits often have difficulty putting themselves in the shoes of others., accept criticism or acknowledge mistakes. Not necessarily because they want to hurt, but because Any questioning can be experienced as a threat to self-esteem. what, in the background, It turns out to be much more fragile than it appears..

An important question to answer would be, where does narcissism come from? why is a person like that?, and the answer is that There is no single cause that explains why a person develops narcissistic traits.. As with many aspects of personality, It is usually the result of different experiences and circumstances accumulated throughout life. In consultation, when we explore the personal history of someone with this type of functioning, we find very different trajectories. Some people grew up receiving excessive and constant admiration, while others lived experiences of criticism, rejection or demand that left important emotional traces.

In many cases, narcissism can be understood as a protection strategy. A way to build a strong and admired image to avoid coming into contact with more painful feelings, like insecurity, shame or fear of rejection.

That's why, although from the outside they may seem like extremely confident people, internally they can depend a lot on the approval of others to feel valuable, And there comes a time when the admiration of others is not enough.. One of the most striking aspects of narcissism is that external validation rarely fills the void it is trying to compensate for.. No matter how much recognition the person receives, usually need more. One success leads to the next, Praise is no longer enough and the search for admiration becomes a kind of race without a goal..

This can generate a great dissatisfaction personl. Because when self-esteem depends almost exclusively on what others think or recognize, any criticism, rejection or failure is lived with a disproportionate intensity.

Narcissism and relationships

A separate chapter deserves relationship with a narcissistic person, since it is probably in emotional relationships where narcissistic traits become more visible and generate a greater emotional impact, Also in family relationships, narcissistic people usually develop their control strategies quite freely..

Many people who have been in a relationship with a narcissist describe a similar experience.. At first everything seems intense, exciting and even ideal. The other person shows great interest, He pays a lot of attention and makes his partner feel special.. It is a stage that is usually lived with great enthusiasm.

However, Over time the dynamics can change. Initial admiration leaves room for criticism, demands or emotional indifference. What once seemed like a deep connection begins to become a relationship where one of the parties feels that their needs count less and less..

It doesn't always happen the same way, But situations often arise in which the couple ends up constantly adapting to avoid conflicts., trying to meet expectations that seem to continually change, becoming one completely manipulated person.

One of the most painful effects (and dangerous) of these relationships is that wear is usually progressive. It does not usually occur overnight.. Rather it appears little by little, almost without the person realizing it. And emotional exhaustion that one lives with a lot of pain and suffering.

You start by questioning whether you have exaggerated an argument. Then she wonders if she really has the right to feel upset.. Later you may come to distrust your own emotions or even your perception of what is happening.. Feelings of anxiety may appear over time., culpa, insecurity or a significant decrease in self-esteem. Many people come to consultation saying something similar to this: “I don't know if the problem is me anymore.”

And precisely this confusion is usually one of the most frequent consequences when one remains in an emotionally unbalanced relationship for a long time., what you lose perspective of reality.

If you feel like you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person, or you live in a family with a narcissistic person, it is important that you work the limits (among other things):

• Recover your own needs “what do I want?” “what do I need?”
• Set limits and express disagreements, Egoism is highly maligned but it is essential to positive selfishness to know your own limits and be able to express them.
• Don't try to make the other person change, A person only changes when they take responsibility for themselves and their actions..

Understanding narcissism does not mean justifying harmful behavior. It means understanding that behind every way of relating there is a story., experiences and emotional needs that deserve to be explored. Y, above all, reminds us of something fundamental: theThe healthiest relationships are not those in which one person takes up all the space, but those in which both can feel seen, heard and valued.